I have been having some visceral responses to the current political happenings. I am doubting my own understanding of things, and even my own sanity. Am I being overly emotional? Is my thinking irrational? Am I overreacting? Closer inspection of the circumstances is warranted for me to understand what is happening within me.
Full disclosure: I live with the diagnoses of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) with both major depressive disorder and general anxiety disorder as functional consequences of PTSD. Because these traumas were experienced over time and are not linked to a single event, my diagnosis might earn the distinction “complex,” though my health records do not contain this language. Long story short, after decades of therapy and medical treatment, I have learned to live a rather ordinary life. Still, there are times when circumstances occur that ‘trigger’ trauma-related responses in me. Put simply, my body responds to those familiar circumstances even when consciously and intellectually I know there is nothing to fear. Thanks to all that therapy, I can usually observe this happening and mitigate the effects through various strategies such as deep breathing, removing myself from the circumstance, or at least compartmentalize my responses to be felt and dealt with at a later time. There really is no “getting over” this stuff, in my experience; there is only learning to cope and to understand the origins of such seemingly automatic responses.
I liken these visceral responses to the colloquialism that “you cannot un-ring a bell.” Even as I gain awareness of how my past experiences affect my perceptions and I consciously work to reframe my thinking, sometimes my body still responds to current circumstances that are similar in some way to my past traumatic experiences. As Dr. Bessel van der Kolk discusses in his book of the same name, the body keeps the score. Even if I may be unable to cognitively recognize these past-present connections in the moment, my body is responding as if it is
right back there at the origin of the related trauma. Deep breathing helps assuage the panic if I recognize what is happening to me, which I sometimes do not. Nothing that I have found has eradicated these body memories. I have simply learned to use them as clues to what may be happening in the moment or to how I am feeling. I often still abide by the explicit warning that they represent, removing myself from the triggering circumstances when possible.
Political Gaslighting
Most folks have some understanding of what gaslighting means, though popular usage often gets it wrong. Some folks think that mere
disagreements can be gaslighting, as others attempt to provide information to persuade you to their way of thinking. This is not gaslighting; this is argument or debate. An occasional lie is also not gaslighting. Remembering shared experiences differently is also not gaslighting, as our perceptions of circumstances are influenced by so many factors that it is possible to have different experiences of an event while standing side by side.
Gaslighting involves a denial of another person’s experiences, manipulating their thinking and choices to evoke certain actions, denial or deflection when caught in a lie, refusal to accept their perspective or experiences, and so on. It’s often systematic and repetitive and is always intentional. Gaslighting involves seeking power over an individual or group by undermining their own thoughts, feelings, and perceptions to the point of self-doubt. We usually think of gaslighting in terms of abusive individual relationships or participation in cult-like groups. I am sure you can think of many movies in which such behavior has been acted out as well. But what do I mean by “Political Gaslighting”? Let me provide an example from my recent memory. At the Republican National Convention (RNC) this week, former President Trump gave a
speech in which he said, among many other things, “The Democrat party should immediately stop weaponizing the justice system and labelling their political opponents as an enemy of democracy, especially since that is not true. In fact, I am the one saving democracy for the people of our country.”The truth is that it was Trump’s administration that packed the Supreme Court and other Federal courts with ultra-conservative justices leading to the supermajority that currently exists. This was made possible by the Republican members of the U.S. Senate who, having a majority, blocked Supreme Court nominations by former
President Obama throughout his administration. There was no precedent for that; it had never happened before, just as there is no precedent for many recent Supreme Court decisions. Trump and far-right Republicans have weaponized the justice system, not the Democrats and not President Biden. But he stood there and told that lie to a happily cheering crowd. That’s gaslighting.Also during the RNC, North Dakota Governor Doug Burgum claimed that “At home, Biden is acting like a dictator,” during a speech largely centered on energy. He claimed that Biden’s policies are not only responsible for gas prices and increased utility costs, but that the long-declining U.S. energy grid was a result of something Biden has done recently, rather than the fact that the grid relies on 50-year-old infrastructure that no administration has adequately addressed during the ensuing years. Like the climate situation generally, energy needs have been addressed with political bubble gum and bailing wire for decades. There are dozens of such lies being told every day from a variety of sources. You need not dig deeply to find them; just listen to the stump speeches by Republican candidates at all levels and you will likely spot them yourself. I can’t help but think of Maya Angelou’s famous quote, “when someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” When the Senate blocked then-President Obama’s Supreme Court nominations beginning in February 2016, the far-right showed us who they are and we should have believed them. Though the gradual shift of the right to ultra-conservative has been going on much longer than
the last decade, this moment was a huge flashing light on the road to how it would unfold that most on the left failed to recognize, including me. But I see it now.PTSD and Trauma-Associated StimuliThis is EXACTLY the sort of gaslighting I endured both as a victim of child sexual abuse and later as a victim of rape and sexed-based discrimination in the military. The repeated revision and reinforcement of false facts; the implication or overt suggestions that I was “crazy” or somehow deserved what happened to me; the outright threats of harm when manipulation failed to shut me up. Even as my mind would prefer to deny this connection and cling to the sentiments spewed in the media by others in denial (“no, I’m sure that’s not what they mean” or “it won’t be that bad” or “don’t worry, they can’t actually do that”) my body is screaming that I am seeing exactly what I think I am seeing and it sure as hell can and will happen.It is not surprising that I have been having these deeply disturbing visceral responses to news reports or social media chatter of late, that instinctual flight-fight-freeze-fawn response that we all experience at times of crisis. If you aren’t experiencing it, you are either fortunate to have not experienced others trying to control you in the past or you are naïve. Hearing and seeing these lies makes me want to yell at the screen I am watching, or calm my rapidly beating heart with one-too-many cocktails, or knock myself out with a potent gummy, or make posts on social media about how the shooter “had one job” and screwed it up. These responses come from places of pain deep within my experiences.
Am I crazy? Am I overreacting? Have I misunderstood? No. My body is trying to warn me about potential dangers. I believe it.
Susan Dietsch 